Bangladesh Tiger Search

Silver Wave Tours they called it
Pride of Sunderban explorations
Cruise seeking the flora and fauna of this unique tropical place.

Strangers were we when we boarded
Soon to be such good friends
Travelers from all over the world with great and strange stories to tell.

For sure not your luxury tour boat
More like a small navy vessel
Sides and walls made of metal and bunks where we laid our heads.

Still this boat had all we needed
Places outside to sit in the sun and talk
A dining room filled with feasts of curries quite a tasty delight.

Soon we’d were far from civilization
Just a tiny village here and there on the shore
Travelling to unspoiled vistas in a land that had much to reveal.

We all were hoping to see a tiger
Which was the purpose of the trip
But along the way we saw so many things we’d never seen.

A crocodile basking in sunshine
Unmoving on the warm sandy beach
Ten feet long or maybe more with a huge head that astounded.

Mangrove trees of many  descriptions
Each one was unlike its kinfolk
Roots submerged in water growing up to suck needed air.

Spotted deer stood and stared from the shoreline
All ages, a family no doubt
Mothers, babies, and a stately sire with a six point rack.

An eagle airshow that was quite impressive
As they soared and floated and dipped
Their claws extended to capture a luckless prey to eat.

Our journey was beyond expectation
So many strange things did we see
We hated to let go, to disembark from our adventure.

Still the object of our journey
Eluded our most serious quest
To see a tiger in the wild never did happen this time.

Spying a huge muddy foot print on the forest floor
A tree that served as a tiger scratching post
The proofs they are there for this journey will have to suffice.

©Corinne Mustafa
  February, 2013

Lioness

Reclining on her flat rock divan
     queen of all she surveys
golden lioness eyes unblinking
     watching…waiting… guarding
relentlessly cognizant of the territory
      that surrounds her with constant motion
         teaming life of her animal neighbors. 

Hunting for the day successful
     she has delivered the feast she and her sisters
     slew for their ravenous lion king
           who waited patiently.    
   
On the soft gold mattress of savannah grasses
      three lion cubs sleep soundly
      beside their mother’s resting place
All of them shaded and cool beneath the acacia tree
       with its huge spreading arms
       like an umbrella shielding them
            from the blistering sun of the Serengeti plain.

Males and females have their roles
     no need to compete one against the other
     for position in the system
          comfortable in their own skins.

Lions protect their pride
     size of their manes show prowess
     lesser males know to keep away
           this PRIDE is mine
Lionesses know
      they need to show respect
      to the lion whose only job is to protect
             to keep her and her cubs safe.

Lioness understands she and her lion
   have a good system
    an effective partnership
     a beneficial cooperation of responsibilities
             for the future of their kind.

©Corinne Mustafa
   November, 2012

Independence

Independence now
No need to scrape or bow down
Once you’re on your own.

Whatever you please 
There’ll be freedom to decide
Because you are free.

Noncomformity
We know is quite a problem
Sov’reign people face.

Liberated thoughts
Of self-determination
A free man not made.

Nonalignment fumes
Explodes in thunderous storms
Freedom fashions wrath.

Liberty runs cold
When emancipation fails
Confrontations clash.

Is it possible
True independence can be
Owned by every man? 

One must traverse gaps
Cooperate and decide
Freedom shared ‘s the key

.

Impossible task

Huge steps toward conformity
No one's really free.

©Corinne Mustafa

2014

HEARTBROKEN

I am her angel
That's what my mommy tells me
Why am I alone?

I broke a vase
I yanked on the kitty's long tail
 Guess I'm really bad

I spilled my oatmeal
Tore a hole in my new jeans
Guess I'm just worthless.

Why am I so bad
I try to do things I should
I can't comprehend

I try very hard
But make mistakes all the time
End up in a mess

I hear my mother yell
"Lilah Marie come in here
You are just hopeless

"Always act stupid
Aggravating all the time
Wicked little imp

"Disobedient
You make life a living hell
I can't stand you"

Then she stomps away
My heart in little pieces
I'm sorry mommy

Guess she's sorry, too
Comes in later to tell me
Just lost her temper

I am her angel
That's what my mommy tells me
Still I feel alone.

(C) Corinne Mustafa

Learning At A Nursing Home

What Can Be Learned at a Nursing Home

\

On Halloween afternoon I went to the nursing home where my friend’s Mom is a resident.  We walked into the front foyer, and there they all had gathered.  They were sitting in their wheelchairs…all dressed in some sort of Halloween costume.  Some had a look on their faces that said they did not have a clue.  Some looked hopeful that something would happen soon.  One lady sat there with her mouth open wide and her eyes closed in her green wig and witch’s hat.

My friend’s mom is young, but she is suffering from the results of a stroke.  Jo’s mind is fine.  It must be hard for her to be there trapped in a body that only has one side working. Still, our little Jo Bumble Bee looked happy to be a part of this Halloween. Her friend, Virginia, was there as well.  Her challenges are not so obvious. She was able to walk during the Halloween parade around the corridors of the home and into the day room where activities were held.  Virginia was a butterfly…or so she said.  She had on a lavender robe with matching wings, a crown, and a wand. I believed her to be a princess, but what I believed did not count.  She WAS a butterfly. She was as hopeful in her behavior as a young girl waiting for darkness to come so that she could go out to Trick or Treat.

I looked around and I learned something from that Halloween Celebration in the nursing home.  These people were living their lives with as much dignity as their circumstances would allow them.  There was beauty and sweetness all around.  The costume march was something to look forward to and enjoy.  It was not the Halloween they had when they were young, but it was what they had now, and they were happy to have it.  This is what life is all about.  Taking joy in the things that you can have, not worrying whether it is shadow of what you had been in the past.  Imminent to all who grow old is the promise of glory to come.  There we will be blessed with a life to which this present life does not hold a candle.

In Jeremiah 29:10-12 we find the words…“This is what the LORD says: ‘When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.’ ”

This is the final plan God has for us.  We will not have to look back.

HALLOWEEN AT THE HOME

“Kids” all excited

Wait for the moment come

When costumes are donned.

Beautiful “children”

On the other side of life

Grabbing for some fun.

A red haired witch,

A green haired one who snoozes,

And a bumble bee.

A geisha girl so fine

A hippie with curly hair

Wearing a peace sign.

Wheelchairs lining up
Pretending they’re what they were
Before the years flew.

One who walks in step

Sweet innocent butterfly

Simple as a child.

So off we all roll

Halloween march through the home

Who will win a prize?

Nurses clapping

Others in beds sleeping sound

Merrily we move.

Party is ready

Everyone smiling of mem’ries

Of days long ago.

At the nursing home

The children are bigger here

Taken care of now.

Looking over each

One wonders what they’re thinking

What they understand.

Why do they have to

Be here where they seem adrift

No wills of their own.

Sad comic relief
In their costumes as if young

Smile in confusion.

Why does God allow

Sad end for the elderly

Are they in His plan?

Before time began

He knew what their lives would be

How they would end up.

End up – a sad word

Too tragic for what is real

The glory that will come.

They’re waiting for Him

Hope they know He’ll come for them
When His time is right.

Corinne Mustafa

11/1/07

An Arid Feeling

Rain

Where have you been

I searched and searched for you
You were nowhere to be found

I waited in vain for your

Remembered kisses

Drenching my soul.

I have often seen you

In a very distant cloud

Toward which I headed
Gaining speed, getting close

But you would blow out of sight
As my parched soul called your name.

Then I would look behind me

And see you waiting there
A welcoming smile on treasured lips
Even as you drifted up
Becoming just a veil of haze
Once again we missed our chance.

I see you now and wonder

Will you slide away again from me
My hair is dull and matted

My lips cracked and split

No one would desire me now

Fields of brown have I become.

How long must this go on

This dearth of saving draft
Once sprinkling on long green locks
And on  rosy cheeks of pink
But now expiring because you

Are no longer here.

So much is taken away

Whilst sun shines ardent and fierce

Not fretting his hot sultry breath 

Or how the dust cracks gape
I soon will be no more

Lacking the sweet sprinkle

Of your love for me.

©Corinne Mustafa
2014

A Strange Phobia

A weird preoccupation I cannot ignore
Unable to even handle it
Bits of trash left in a grocery cart
Is something I abhor
My sense of well-being it will thwart.

The next cart in the line of wagons
Had newspapers just tossed in
I start my automatic disgust conduct
Something that just always happens
Then lack of control usually will erupt.

I shove the dirty cart quite fast away
And madly search for an empty one
Or dementedly grab the offending stuff
Tossing it away with great dismay
I stomp off madly with a huff and a puff.

A weird preoccupation I cannot stop
No matter how much I think I should
Grossed out by trash left in store baskets
I cannot handle or let it drop
I always blow my gaskets.

©Corinne Mustafa
   March, 2013

Day at the Beach / Two Unforgettable Days

Day at the Beach

Heart beats like a drum
Its rhythm explodes in me
Rat tat tat drumming.

Tympani of thumps
Waiting till my darling arrives
Heart madly thumping.

Dune’s peak he now mounts
His smile outshines noonday sun
Love overcoming.

Come sit beside me
On the warm welcoming sand
I brought a blanket.

Come rest here with me
We can watch the waves roll in
Endless beach rhythm.

Drumming of my heart
Echoes on the balmy beach
Pulse of waves roll in.

Gazing on the ring
Of the distant horizon
Curves, touching the sky.

Share a perfect day
Gulls squeal, wind blows, we whisper
Share our heart’s soft beats.

Share a perfect day
Gulls squeal, wind blows, we whisper
Share your beach blanket.

Purple, rose, orange
Overtake fading azure
Streaks from setting sun.

“What is in your hand?”
“I have a surprise for you!”
Little golden box.

Heart beating in throat
Man kneels down on the blanket
Ring a perfect fit.

Bells will ring today
Blanket now a red carpet
Trade drum for organ.

©Corinne Mustafa
   November, 2012

Two Unforgettable Days

On this warm beach heart beating like a drum
I wait with spirit rhythms exploding
A day to imagine with joy’s boding
As o’er the dune’s peak hikes my cute pilgrim.

His sweet smile far outshines the noonday sun
Kisses my cheek, then puts down his basket

He winks at me and spreads a red blanket
We recline on our sandy dune bastion.

Pulses of waves rolling onto the shore

 Gulls squealing, wind gusting, we’re whispering
Pulls out a gold box, gives me a gold ring
Be my wife, it is you that I adore.

Bells ring out; I walk down the red carpet
Trade drum for organ. Days I won’t forget.

©Corinne Mustafa

Skating on Solid Ice

Have you ever been pulled around like the last skater on a line? The person in the middle just has to do small steps…not even actually skating. As the line of skaters radiates out, the further a skater is from the center the more quickly she has to skate. Sometimes in life we find ourselves close to the beginning where our skating (and therefore life) is not even difficult.

At other times something happens where we end up at the end of the line through no fault of our own struggling to keep up. These are times of challenge that we all face. Occasionally we seem to put ourselves towards the outside of the line where keeping up is difficult or even seems hopeless. These are the trials of life that we all face. It is the human condition that we all face. The good news is that we do not face these situations alone. We have a constant Companion with us  Who is always ready to give us solace and guidance in such times. All we have to do is ask.

 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, 

who gives generously to all without finding fault, 

and it will be given to you.

James 1:5

 (NIV)

The problem is that we sometimes try to go on our own strength…to do it our way. In Celebrate Recovery…a Christian version of AA…people are reminded to give their lives to God. These teachings tell that the difficult things that the attendees are trying to overcome cannot be handled alone. It is just too daunting for a person in recovery to rely on themselves. I know a woman who told God, “Lord, please make this change in my life easy. You know I am not very strong.” She found that changing her dependence on alcohol was easier for her than she had ever dreamed. She went to God at the very beginning and He listened and answered her prayer.

To fully depend on God for help is not a new concept for us. It is just that sometimes we don’t remember to call on Him. This happens when we are in crisis mode. It also happens when we are faced with choosing what we should do that are not crisis but just to select one option out of several we are considering. None of the alternative choices are bad. However, one of the options is the one God would have us do. The thing is that we must seek His counsel.

I once knew a very old man who had served God throughout his entire life. We were at a church meeting where we had broken into small groups. The topic was relying on God. This old pastor said that when he got up in the morning he actually asked God to help him choose his clothes for the day. At the time I remember that I thought it was a bit over the top, and maybe it was an extreme. However, it illustrated the point that our lives are not our own, and that depending on God was a foundation stone to our behavior and choices.

All we need to do is to call on God, who is fully present to us anyway, to reveal to us His aspirations for us and how we must act or choose to be in line with His holy will. Then we have to sit back and listen for His voice and be willing to bend our own will to His.

Heavenly Father, I praise you that you are always present and available to me when I need to make choices about what to choose in my life. Please help me to remain mindful of this and to always ask for Your guidance in all my moments of choice that life presents to me.
Amen.

Corinne Mustafa

Circular Rainbow

ordinary case of spectral pencils
dreary grey wood cylinders 
Scattered in a heap
tints hidden in a pile disarrayed

spying the chaotic conglomeration
the bewildered little artiste
heaving a passing sigh at the chaos
sets out to establish organization
where none exists 

configuring her pencils into a circle
creating a circular rainbow
white cream red orange
yellow green blue violet
brown black grey
happy order now reigns

she picks up each color…studies it
and returns it back to the color wheel
one after another studied
and rejected for her first sketch
with her new color pencil collection
at last choosing the black one
she draws a silhouette of herself

© Corinne Mustafa

The Big “C”

God often invites people to come to Him to walk out onto the water. His request is anchored in the fact that He showing us proof that all things are possible through Him. Peter stepped out of the boat and walked on water. In case you have missed it water is not a solid surface, but Peter was successful walking on it until…yes until he got distracted by the fear that he would sink, and then he took his eyes off God. Sometimes people have a choice about whether or not to accept His summons. However, sometimes a person has no choice about whether or not to accept the call of God to walk on water.

For that second group there is no choice other than to just walk through what is being required by the circumstances of their life. I am part of that second group. I had already ridden the cancer merry go round two years ago when the big “C” made it necessary that I undergo a hysterectomy. When that happened I could not even bring myself to say the word, Cancer. I felt an inability to put a name to what I was going through and kind of shyness to admit my condition. Cancer was something that happens to other people. I never even dreamed that it would happen to me. Well it did; I did what I had to do which also included three radiation treatments to lower the already low percentage that rogue cells could come back to cause any trouble. I cannot actually remember being very upset. That is probably because I have a habit of not taking grave happenings very seriously. I think that is called being a “cock-eyed optimist.”

This summer I spent a marvelous three weeks in Maine and came home innocently unaware of what was about to happen. I had scheduled a mammogram for when I returned and went to have it a couple of days later. I knew it was not good news when I got a call four days later asking me to come in for more tests. Then came the news that I had Breast Cancer. Me? Breast Cancer? Not me! Yes, me!

The surprising thing for me was that this time the walk through the treatment was unbelievably traumatic. Two surgeries happened and sixteen radiation treatments was the next step. At the  the time of this writing I have two more treatments, and I will be done. For a lot of the time I felt like I was in a horrible night, or should I say daymare. I was spastic about the surgery which had to be done two times. At the time, I did not even stop to think that God had given me a miracle, because, after the surgery, I had almost no pain and hardly even used my pain meds.

Most of the emotional pain I suffered since last August has been due to stress and some fear of the unknown. I really let my mind run rampant down into the pits. I looked okay and told people that I was doing okay. I smiled a lot, but in the secret places of my heart and mind…not to mention my breast…I was living in distress and anxiety. I had taken my eyes off Jesus and was drowning. So, along comes my first day of radiation treatment. The radiation technologists asked me what kind of music I liked. I asked if they had any Christian music. They said that they did, and put it on. The very first song that played was “Oceans”…the song about how God calls us out upon the water to trust Him. It did not sink in at the time but in the car on the way home I realized that God had been singing to me that my illness was a call out onto the waters to join Him.

I still had about fifteen days plus the weekends to deal with my issues that were tormenting me. It was a hard ride, but there were things that were starting to make me think differently. People assured me that the way I was feeling was not unusual. They told me that what I was going through was not a walk in the park. I received cards that affirmed me and told me who they saw in me. I got a couple of emails written by women that I look up to as wise women of God. They wrote such amazing things about who they saw me to be. Those warmed my heart. Women stepped up to the plate to go with me for my radiation treatments and to bring meals.. I also started reading some books about Cancer. One is called, What Cancer Cannot Do, and the other one is When God and Cancer Meet. They pointed out the miracles to be found in dealing with cancer. I met with my friend, Vicki, who is an 8 year cancer survivor. Her conversations and wisdom were invaluable to me.

My body was healing, and eventually my psyche started to heal as well. I have a much healthier mental attitude now than I had after the surgeries on August 21^st and September 5^th. My paradigm has totally shifted. Here is some of it:

·         I know that I have received two miracles since my first bout with Cancer.

……When I had the hysterectomy my doctor went out to where my husband waited. She told      him that my lymph nodes were cancer filled. When the lab results came back to her they read “no cancer,” She asked for a recheck before she called me, because she thought that they had made a mistake. The second test came back with the same result. This woman’s specialty is dealing with uterine, cervical, and ovarian cancers and doing hysterectomies. She knows what cancer looks like, and yet when the tests were done, they came back cancer free again. Many people were praying for me, and I had my first miracle.

…..The other miracle was that I actually had a mammogram after one year. I never keep track of when they are due. I had gone to see my OBGYN doctor who saw that I was due, and we scheduled one. Because of this the tumor was still small and easier to deal with.

·          I have come to view Cancer not so much an affliction but rather as a gift…a ministry of sorts…an opportunity to grow in wisdom and in grace. Through it all God was bringing me gifts that slowly were helping me towards a new attitude. You cannot go through such a traumatic experience without either being destroyed or lifted higher.

I am choosing to allow myself to be lifted higher. For the rest of my life I will be a Cancer Survivor. It matters not if the “Big C” is the thing that helps me to live my life to the fullest and for God, or if it is the thing that finally takes me out. It is my path to travel, and I know that God is with me calling me out onto the water. I will keep my eyes on Him. The “big C” is not cancer; In reality my “big C” is…Christ Jesus.

Written by
Corinne Mustafa
October, 2014     

TWO of a KIND

This painting is by HenriPeters, 
a Native American painter.
He called this painting “TWO of a KIND.”

TWO of a KIND

Two
In one quintessence
Which am I
Balancing the other.

Not really one
Not that simple
 I or should I say we
Carry the best of both.

Male strengths
Male pursuits that pull me
Into what I am
Who I really am

Still carrying a female force
Likewise robust
Giving insight 
Similarly ruling the duet
Of my world.

Berdache

Not wholly one or the other
Looking at the world from two sides
Understanding more.

Doubly blessed
More spiritually gifted
Able to view humanity's actions
Not only in one way
But also from the other
My people hold my gift in awe.

Spirit more than physical body
Confirms the root
The potent core
Of who I really am.

©Corinne Mustafa
October, 2013

Speak Life

Come Alongside

There are so many hurting people in this world. They hurt for different reasons.

Some went through abusive childhoods. I am not actually referring to physical abuse here although many have suffered that as well. Did you know that verbal abuse can be at least as damaging if not more so. A child who is called stupid or bad thinks, “If my mom or dad say that it must be so. I am evil/dim-witted. They do not have the intellectual maturity to throw this away, and so they make it their own opinion of themselves. This also happens to adults who are harangued by people they love, work with, or those they call friends. These people have a neediness that is not always evident.

Other people hurt from loneliness. Maybe they have never connected in any kind of permanent way with anyone else. Or…they could have lost a loved one after many, many years of being together in a marriage. Such people often sit alone in their houses filled with loneliness that we can hardly imagine. They go to stores and other places where they seem invisible and are alone in the crowd.

There is the lack of affirmation and praise for a job well done but seems to go unnoticed. People are blessed by the acknowledgement that someone has noticed and been touched by big or even modest things that they have done.

Another activity along these lines is to help someone when they are in need. Sharing your talent, sharing a meal, just digging in to finish a task are very worthwhile endeavors. Working alongside a busy or overwhelmed person will be something that she (or he) will never forget.

It is so easy to reach out to others to come alongside and the good news is that it costs you nothing but a bit of time. You are standing in the grocery line and you see a cute baby. A few words to the proud mom makes her day. Perhaps a compliment is in order for someone who looks very nice. Just stepping out to relate positively to sometime is a sanctified habit. It allows the one who does this to function as the mouth of God.

Dear God, help me to be sensitive today to the needs of others for a kind word or a bit of help. I want to come alongside those who need this. Show me the ones that you would have me reach out to and give me the words to say or actions that I can take. I want to do Your will.
Amen.

Written by
Corinne Mustafa

ELEPHANTS AT SUNSET

Surrealistic scene
 Elephants that ascend
Hovering in ginger hued light. 

Leaden legs liquefy
Drizzling solid lead drops
Which parched shrubs can’t sip or swallow. 

Sunset watching the sight
Hurries to disappear
counteracting an earth melt down. 

Not a dili dali
Sun vanishes in the west
Pachyderms hide behind black clouds. 

Earth breathes sighs of relief
Greeting another day
Safe till the next painting is done. 

©Corinne Mustafa
September, 2014

August Days

Blackbirds circling a turquoise lake
Beneath white cloudy swirls 

Wonder should they stay or fly 
The nights are growing chilly
Though not quite frosty yet

When leaves of green give way
To myriad colors bright
It will then be time to go

 For now enjoy the August days
 Of warm, inviting summertime.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Corinne Mustafa (C)